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The Filk Files

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The Quotables

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What are filks?
OK, filks are re-written songs about stargate and stargate episodes. If you want to write one, email it to me at beki_morgan@hotmail.com, all work is credited. Thanks.
  Working at the SGC A filk written by Beki Morgan, from Jack's Point of View...

So here's a little example...
  Filks by Beki Morgan. Assuming you can bear them!
It was a Very Good Year
by

Beki Morgan

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TITLE: It was a Very Good Year
AUTHOR: Beki Morgan
EMAIL: beki_morgan@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Song/Filk
PAIRING: none
SPOILERS: none
SEASON / SEQUEL: Well it’s after Window of Opportunity
RATING: G
CONTENT WARNINGS: none
SUMMARY: Jack’s thoughts (yes, he DOES think) of 1969.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: The Gateroom, all others PLEASE ask!!!
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks for reading, I’d treasure feedback! It was a Very Good Year was originally written by Ervin Drake, and has since been performed by Robbie Williams, on the Swing When You’re Winning album. It was me that defaced this work of art.

Just before the seventies,
It was a very good year.
It was a very good year, for being hurled back in time,
To 1969.
When we came through the gate, something was not right.
We’d gone back to the sixties.
Like some strange dream.

Sam thought it was to do with the sun,
But it was a very good year,
It was a very good year for hippy clothes,
And solar flares,
You wouldn’t believe what we had to wear…
But it had to be done,
If home we wanted to come.

In order to stay alive,
In that very good year,
It was a very good year, for lying to meeting younger COs,
Then shooting them with a zat beam.
We’d ride in military means,
That Air Force soldiers would drive,
Whom we had to fight.

Time was running short.
In that very good year,
We had to save our lives,
By getting to the observatory in time,
And by breaking regs,
And speaking another language.
But then we made it back here,
In that very good year.

Sad. Very. But I just couldn’t resist writing this when I heard Jack say that ‘It (1969) was a very good year.’ In Window Of Opportunity. Feel free to send hate mail to beki_morgan@hotmail.com…


It was a Very Good Year
by

Beki Morgan

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TITLE: My Shadow and Me
AUTHOR: Beki Morgan
EMAIL: beki_morgan@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Song/Filk
PAIRING: none
SPOILERS: Martouf stuff, Solitudes and that's about it I think.
SEASON / SEQUEL: After Season Three
RATING: G
CONTENT WARNINGS: none
SUMMARY: Jack’s thoughts (yes, he DOES think) of 1969.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: The Gateroom, all others PLEASE ask!!!
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I haven't taken my happy pills. The song was originally written by Al Jolson, Billy Rose and Dave Dreyer. The following characters are represented by these letters:

J= Jack, S= Sam, D= Daniel, T= Teal’c, H= Hammond

Let's rock.

T: Well, the Goa’uld, they can declare war,
D: And the coffee can run out in the commissary,
J: But you won’t ever get rid of your shadow,
H: No, you’ll never get rid of you team and me.

S: Let the other teams fight and fuss,
D: Whatever happens,
A: We’ve got the S-G-C!

All wave hands in air.

J: Closer than the time when Antarctica shook,
S: Closer than Jack, killing Martouf.
Jack gives Sam a warning look.
H: Wherever the team are, you’ll find him, just look.
T: Closer than Hammond crashing a death glider.
H: Yeehaaw!!!

Team back away from Hammond.

D: Closer than Jack getting shot, but being OK,
J: Closer than Daniel to getting killed again,
H: Not a soul can bust this team in two.
S: We stick together like glue.

T: When it’s briefing time, that’s when we lie,
Jack gives Teal’c a warning look.
S: Actually, we just modify,
J: Daniel, you’re out of line!
H: What a surprise…
S: So of course, you kick him in the shin, a-hin-hin!

S: Sir, have a beer, take your mind off him.
J: Do I have to repeat what I said at the start?
J: Or shall I get a large crow bar, and shove through your heart?
S: Oh, no Sir! Let me do it for you!

D: Let’s go to O’Malley’s and get in a brawl!
S: Order three steaks, and then a few more…
H: Colonel, I suggest that you don’t.
H: Sg-1, are you listening to me?
J: Is someone talking to me?

T: Proceed with the chorus.
D: Let’s go to O’Malley’s and get in a brawl!
J: Order three steaks, and then a few more…
T: The Goa’uld can go kree!

H: Place sg-1 under arrest…

Anything to add? Feedback? Send it all to our Gateroom administrator, Beki, at beki_morgan@hotmail.com. Thank you!!!
  Filks by M Please Forgive Me (SG-1 version)
by

M

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TITLE: Please Forgive Me (SG-1 version)
AUTHOR: M
EMAIL: Scum_bucket_11@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: Song/Filk, Action/Adventure
PAIRING: none
SPOILERS: none
SEASON / SEQUEL: any
RATING: G
CONTENT WARNINGS: none
SUMMARY: A Goa'uld host sings to David Grey's 'Please Forgive Me (SG-1 version)'
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: David Gray rocks!



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Please Forgive Me (SG-1 version) if I act a little strange
For I control not what I do
Feels like Goa'uld running through my veins
Every time I try to move
Every time I try to move

Help me out here
there's a worm inside my head
and there's so much I try to say
Want to scream and shout in agony
But I can't just run away
AARGH!
But I can't just run away!

Catch my soul and watch me slowly die
Movin across the galaxy
Can't they see those big old glowing eyes?
Goa'uld cause so much misery
Goa'uld cause so much misery

I got half a mind to scream out loud
I got half a mind to die
So I wont ever have to kill people
Wont ever commit genocide
I wont ever have to die
I wont ever have my own free mind

Please Forgive Me (SG-1 version) if I act a little strange
For I control not what I do
Feels like Goa'uld running through my veins
Every time I try to move (X4)



SG-1 (Babylon)
by

M

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TITLE: SG-1 (Babylon)
AUTHOR: M
EMAIL: scum_bucket_11@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: Song/Filk, Humor
PAIRING: none
SPOILERS: none
SEASON / SEQUEL: any
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT WARNINGS: none
SUMMARY: General Hammond reviews the situation to the tune of David Gray's 'Babylon'
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. David Grey also made the original song! So don't sue me!We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I love David Grey! So I was inspired to write something to the tune of 'Babylon'!Also check out 'The star gate rap' and 'System lord for a day!' bye :)



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SG-1 we're getting nowhere
all the planets conquered by the goa'uld
Daniel Jackson's getting fed up
lovely wife is screwin up his head
And looking back through time
you know it's clear that I've been blind, about Goa'uld.
to open up the gate to all that technology, that medicine,
that simbiote

Asguard are very nice
they're helping us fight back the goa'uld.
flying through the gate they're moving
God I hope the Iris still ain't closed.
I only wish Teal'c was here
he's so brave, it's mighty clear; he aint afraid.
He saved his family years ago
now he can't return back to his home

And Jack is always... always saying
"For cryin out loud"
commands I was
givin you were
never in doubt

Kill the goa'old!
Kill them all!
and free the world!
Kill the goa'old!
Kill them all!
and free the world!
SG-1(X3)

Up in space the ships are goa'uld
shining sky is filling up with them.
Bombing planets, killin people
no idea what we are gonna do

Watching the destruction, you know I feel so alone
I hate the Goa'uld
for some reason
all the races, seem to want us all to be dead..

And Jack is always... always saying
"For cryin out loud"
commands I was
givin you were never in doubt

Kill the goa'old!
Kill them all!
and free the world!
Kill the goa'old!
Kill them all!
and free the world!
Kill the goa'old!
Kill them all!
and free the world!
Kill the goa'old!
Kill them all!
and free the world!

SG-1....


Star gate rap
by

M

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TITLE: Star gate rap
AUTHOR: M
EMAIL: scum_bucket_11@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: humour, song
PAIRING: none
SPOILERS: Serpents lair
SEASON / SEQUEL: none
RATING: pg-13
CONTENT WARNINGS: language
SUMMARY: A rap for the SG-1 team
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.



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Verse 1:
So I'm colnel O'Neill,
Performing for you,
I'm the first member of the S-G crew,
I kicked Ra's ass with a really big nuke,
and apophis is gone, thanks to me too, huh!

Chorus: SG, SG-1 is here

Verse 2:
The second member of the SG crew,
Uses his brains, to get him through.
He always gets hurt, and cries alot too.

He speaks the language, most of them infact,
trying to get his girl-friend back, Huh!

Chorus.

Verse 3:
He has no style, he has no grace.
This Jaffa has a thing on his face.
He used to do things for the mean Apophis,
but decided that he oughtta stop him
Huh!

Chorus.

Verse 4:
The final member of the off-world crew,
uses long words, to confuse me and you.
She was once a host to a Gou'old,
and her father who was dying joined the To'kra!
Huh!

Chorus.

Verse 5:
Lets not forget the others at home,
There's Hammond of course, always on that phone.
Commanding the troops, always bending the rules.
Maybourne hates him, but no-one really cares!
Huh!

Chorus.

Verse 6:
We're the members of the To'kra,
We love the humans, they kick gou'old ass.
We use them as hosts, but don't take 'em over,
that would be mean, and alot like apophis (pronounced apophas)
Huh!

Chorus

Verse 7:
I am Apophis, your new God,
Worship me, or I'll get P***ed off.
I'll torture you until you die,
and re-animate your body with my sarcophogi!
Huh!

Chorus

Verse 8:
Wait right there you alien scum!
We're the members of Sg-1.
We'll sneak on your ship,
and kidnap your son!
you wont even notice until we're done!
Huh!

Chorus!

Verse 9 (when will it end):
That's where your wrong,
there's no escape!
I've got serpent gaurds all over the place!
If make a move, I'll kill you all,
and I'll use a zat gun, to make it hurt more!
Huh!

Chorus

Verse 10:
If we're going down, you're coming too!
O'Neill go and use those bombs!
We'll escape in one of those death glider things.
you wont even notice, before you die!
Huh!

Chorus

Verse 11:
That's the end of the death bringing fleet,
and now it's apophis who looks all beat!
He's weak and useless, gettin' pushed around,
and kicked in the nuts by the system lords!
Huh!

Ok DJ! Take it to the fridge!

To'kra, zat guns and nuclear bombs,
chevrons, false gods and serpent guards!
(Repeat to fade)


System lord for a day
by

M

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TITLE: System lord for a day
AUTHOR: M
EMAIL: scum_bucket_11@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: Song/Filk, Humor
PAIRING: none
SPOILERS: none
SEASON / SEQUEL: any
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT WARNINGS: none
SUMMARY: 'King for a day' gets the SG-1 treatment. Sung from Teal'c's perspective
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Have fun reading! You can sing it if you want, it fits the music pretty well :)



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the original lyrics for 'King for a day' can be found at http://www.chart-lyrics.com/lyrix/B0000258IK/10.php

there's no way
i'm coming back to you
ive just got to say that everything we did is through
You tried to exterminate
my planet's many people
but soon you're going to find,
you should have killed me sooner
now you should worry
I'm gonna take you down
I'm gonna kill you baby
and see you crash to the ground
because it's true what they say
you know its true what they say
your only system lord for a day
i guess you're happy that way

Well there's no hope
for peace and reconciliation
you're quick to use your hand (i.e. that ribbon weapon)
but what you haven't learnt is patients
so look before you gate
and tell a world your false god story
it's clear your talk is cheap
you'd do anything to get your glory

so spread you're death glider and fly
there is no doubt
your host inside has something to shout about
because it's true what they say
you know it's true what they say
your only system lord for a day
i guess that you're happy that way

and there's no love
ever to be lost between us
I guess this is because
you've tried to extrminate us
so I'll blow off your head
to stop what might have beeen
but what is left instead,
is pieces of broken head

now you should worry
I'm gonna take you down
I'm gonna kill you baby
and see you crash to the ground
because it's true what they say
you know its true what they say
your only system lord for a day
i guess you're happy that way

So arm your death glider and fly
There is no doubt
The host inside
Has something to shout about
Because it's true what they say
You know its true what they say
You're only system lord for a day
I guess you're happy that way
Don't you see that you're only system lord for a day
You must believe that.


Gate away
by

M

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TITLE: Gate away
AUTHOR: M
EMAIL: Scum_bucket_11@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: Song/Filk, Action/Adventure
PAIRING: none
SPOILERS: none
SEASON / SEQUEL: any
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: none
SUMMARY: David Gray's 'Sail Away' gets the SG-1 treatment
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions.This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is my third Sg-1 version of a David Gray song! They are just sooooo inspiring! :)



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Gate away with me honey
Condense my atoms through space
Gate away with my honey, now, now, now
Gate away with me
What will be will be
Goa'uld wont hurt you now

Starry skies all seem close to me now
Space flying past my face
The atom re-construction processes
Never even left a trace
All the times I see a Goa'uld
Makes me feel just so sad
Daniel's wife if can you hear me now
He never needed you so bad
Damn that Goa'uld in your head

Gate away with me honey
Lock that chevron in place
Gate away with me honey, now, now, now
Gate away with me
What will be will be
Goa'uld can't hurt you now

I've visited many other worlds
I've journeyed through the stars
Trying to kill some Goa'uld
For the way that people are
How did we ever come so far?
Gate away with me honey
Carter how does this work?
Gate away with me honey now, now, now
Gate away with me
General commanded me
To bring you all back alive

Gate away with me honey
Daniel stop getting hurt
Gate away with me honey, now, now, now
Gate away with me
Why can't Maybourne see
That Goa'uld can kill

Repeat....


Gatin' On A Prayer
by
Skip

Title: Gatin' On A Prayer
Author: Skip
Email: jackson4d@genie.co.uk
Category: Song/Filk, Action/Adventure, Humor, Series
Pairing: none
Season: any
Series: Filk Files
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: none
Status: Completed
Summary: This is what SG-1 is about... to Bon Jovi's excellent 'Livin' On a Prayer'....
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
Author's notes: This inspired 'Three of a Kind'


Gatin' On A Prayer
Bon Jovi-Livin' On A Prayer

Danny used to work with his rocks,
Then Apophis strikes and he's forced to jump on the truck,
Mmm, it's tough.
Sam she used to play with numbers all day,
Working with the men, she gates and sleeps in mud.
Mmm, it's rough.

She says we gotta gate home with what we've got,
Never even knowing if we'll make it or not,
We've got each other, who in SG-1 were shoved,
We'll be there in a shot!
Oooh, we're halfway there,
Ooh-oh, gating on a prayer,
Dial it up, we'll make it I swear!
Oooh, we're halfway there,
Ooh-oh gating on a prayer.

Jack, he left his job to go hide,
Now he's holding back when he used to joke and talk,
Mmm, it's tough.
Teal'c, he left his to family shame,
To fight for freedom was his only aim,
Mmm, it's rough.

He says we gotta gate home with what we've got,
One day or another we're gonna get shot,
We're there for each other, our team's been through a lot,
Even in hell to rot!
Oooh, someday we'll get there,
Ooh-oh, gating on a prayer,
Dial it up, we'll make it I swear!
Oooh, life's not fair,
Ooh-oh, gating on a prayer...

Beliefs
by
Skip

Title: Beliefs
Author: Skip
Email: jackson4d@genie.co.uk
Category: Song/Filk, Action/Adventure, Humor, Series
Pairing: none
Season: any
Series: Filk Files
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: none
Status: Completed
Summary: Daniel's thoughts, to Savage Garden's 'Affirmation'
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
Author's notes: :D I just like this song...


Beliefs- Daniel's Credo
Savage Garden-Affirmation

I believe the sun would never set upon some strange planets,
I believe we'll find new places to get lost in some foreign land,
I believe that MREs taste so bad because they are good for you,
I believe that Hammond does the best job he knows how to do,
I believe that Jack's comments can promote low self-esteem,
I believe that Apophis is loved completely by himself alone.

I believe in Karma, what you give is what you get returned,
I believe you can't appreciate real love till they've been turned,
I believe the sand is no more greener on the other side,
I believe the best words in any tongue are 'I love you, don't say goodbye.'

I believe Sam just rules when it comes to numeracy,
I believe that Teal'c's still slightly freaked by our TV,
I believe in the host's best features, their heart and soul,
I believe family don't change with any eyeliner or gold.

I believe the struggle for religious freedom is not fair,
I believe the only ones to disagree are those 'gods' up there,
I believe in Karma, what you give is what you get returned,
I believe you can't appreciate real love till they've been turned,
I believe the sand is no more greener on the other side,
I believe the best words in any tongue are 'I love you, don't say goodbye.'

I believe acceptance is the key to cultural happiness,
I believe the military's policies are just messed,
I believe that God does not endorse Goa'uld evangelists,
I believe I'll not get paid before eternity!

I believe in Karma, what you give is what you get returned,
I believe you can't appreciate real love till they've been turned,
I believe the sand is no more greener on the other side,
I believe the best words in any tongue are 'I love you, don't say goodbye.'

He's Demented
by
Skip

Title: He's Demented
Author: Skip
Email: jackson4d@genie.co.uk
Category: Song/Filk, Action/Adventure, Humor, Series
Pairing: none
Season: any
Series: Filk Files
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: none
Status: Completed
Summary: Jack sings about his best buddy... Harry Maybourne, to Oasis' 'She's Electric'
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
Author's notes: ..Yet another......


He's Demented- Sung By Jack About Maybourne
Oasis-She's Electric

He's demented,
Works for people with dodgy incentives,
He's done things we've all hated,
And I want him dead.
When he moves, it's Rhichter,
He's got where he is by kissin' mikta,
I wanna pop him like a blister, (ewww!)
But Hammond won't let me.

And I want you to know,
Wanna blow him up now,
And those NID swine.
And what's that we say;
That we'll all slay him,
One at a time...
The air'll turn blue,
You'll hear a scream-
As I get my hands on dear Harry,
Lots of blood and lots of goo,
When I whump on Maybourne,
When I whump that little screw.

He's a mother- (fill in as appropriate...;)
We don't get on with one another,
He's just a big pile of blubber,
And in his bed he does pee,
He's no alien lover,
He'd cut 'em and be the end of 'em,
He'd even put 'em in the oven,
But that's just in the NID.

And I want you to know,
That he'll soon be praying,
Don't need reasons to hit his hide.
And I want you to pay,
Do you know what I'm saying?
Zat you one more...
If I weren't in SG-1 and a Colonel here,
It'd be more than words you'd need to fear,
Lots and lots to do to you,
When I get my hands on, when I get my hands on you!!!

Legacy
by
Skip

Title: Legacy
Author: Skip
Email: jackson4d@genie.co.uk
Category: Song/Filk, Humor, Series
Pairing: none
Spoilers: Legacy
Season: 3
Series: Filk Files
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: none
Status: Completed
Summary: Jack gives Daniel advice in 'LEgacy' to Shaggy's 'It Wasn't Me'
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
Author's notes: ...... Thanks to Mish for her pic... I think....


Legacy
Shaggy- It Wasn't Me

*Jack*
~Daniel~

~Yo man~
*Yo*
~Open up Jack~
*What do you want, Dan?*
~The Doc just caught me~
*You let her catch you?*
~I don't know how this could happen~
*But why?*
~Wormholes behind doors, you know...~
*Dan...*
~I don't know what to do!~
*Say nothing's wrong with you*
~Alright~

~But in the showers I thought that Sam was
Callin me behind the door
Picture this but I was butt-naked
Tellin her to wait a bit more
And then later I asked her
If she'd been talking to me
At the time she was far away
She told me 'It wasn't me!'~

*How can you grant Mackenzie access to your villa?
Sat cryin an a sobbing padded walls as you pillow
Then you talk about something called Machello's killers
Best for you and the situation to put up a banner
You're schizophrenic, that's what they say
Gone kinda nuts so I called Mackenzie
Think's that you are nuts can't believe what he say
Don't listen to his words when he say you craz-ay
I'll get that damn sign made up some day!*

~It musta been when I used the counter~
*Not crazy*
~Something brushed by my shoulder~
*Not crazy*
~I heard the voices in the shower~
*Not crazy*
~They musta caught me on a camera~
*Not crazy*
~Saw the snake on your shoulder~
*Not crazy*
~Heard Machello's words to kill the Goa'uld- er~
*Not crazy*
~Saw the faces screaming louder~
*Not crazy*
~They stayed till it was over!~

~So you went and you caught me one handed
Moving chess pieces across the board
Picture this but when I checked you
I shoulda done two moves ago
How could I forget
I tried to lie about what I did see
All you did was ask to play a game of gin rummy~

*Da right prefix when you dial an address to dial a planet is most ness
Not funny to see you it's really complex
Seein' is believin so you better change your specs
You know he's gonna worry about things from your past
Hardly just some pressure and a little stress
When your average day packs a gun
You know you better run fast*

~It musta been when I used the counter~
*Not crazy*
~Something brushed by my shoulder~
*Not crazy*
~I heard the voices in the shower~
*Not crazy*
~They musta caught me on a camera~
*Not crazy*
~Saw the snake on your shoulder~
*Not crazy*
~Heard Machello's words to kill the Goa'uld- er~
*Not crazy*
~Saw the faces screaming louder~
*Not crazy*
~They stayed till it was over!~

~I went crazy and I tried to man-handle you
Till I fell down on the floor
Picture this but it really shook me
Eyes glowing as you asked for more
How could I forget
But you were gonna leave just like Shau're?
All that time you were standing there
I just thought you'd turned all snakey~

~Gonna tell Teal'c I'm sorry for the pain I caused
I listened to Mackenzies' reasons
It makes no sense at all
We should tell Teal'c I'm sorry for the pain that I caused
It was my fault that Junior got sick
And he was nearly lost~

~Poor Jack and Janet they got stranded
Creeps making them go for four
Picture this but for Jolinar
And the that damn protein marker
How could I forget
That Tok'ra she held the key
All this pain and strife
Just cos of nine dead Linvris~

The Real Jack O'Neill- or, I'm Not Dim and Shady
by
Skip

Title: The Real Jack O'Neill- or, I'm Not Dim and Shady
Author: Skip
Email: jackson4d@genie.co.uk
Category: Song/Filk, Humor, Series
Pairing: none
Season: any
Series: Filk Files
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: none
Status: Completed
Summary: He ain't as stupid as you'd thunk... To the 'Real Slim Shady'
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
Author's notes: Mwah. About my second filk.... and one prolly my solo fave!
Cheers to mish, Cyn, jsc and Dkraft.
'The Real Jack O'Neill' Or 'I'm not Dim and Shady.'
Eminem-The Real Slim Shady
Will you come to attention, please?
Will you come to attention please?!
I'm not dim and shady so will ya please shut up?
I repeat, I'm not dim and shady, so please shut up!
We're gonna have a problem here.
Y'all act like you've never seen a rookie before,
Jaws all on the floor when SG-1 burst through the door,
Danny's had his ass whooped worse than that before,
Met some new friends o'course, Jaffa throwin' em over. (Ahh!)
It's the return of the ... "Ah, wait, no way he's kidding,
Didn't just say to the General what I think he did, did he?"
And Dr. Sam says... something, I'm no idiot,
It's just that, well, never took 'Scientist Ed' (OK, took some liberties...)
Feminist women love O'Neill;
'You know I'm sick of him, Look at him walkin' around with his big old gun (literal!)
Wearin his shades so cool (!),' 'Yeah, but he's cute.'
Yeah, so I've got a few screws up in my head loose,
But no worse than what's goin' on
In the President's boardroom, (Both ways, original and literal. I think it works. Ish.)
Sometimes I wanna get an MP3 and just let loose, but can't,
But it's cool for them snakes who choose to use,
"My snake is in your neck! My snake is in ya neck!"
And if you're real lucky, ya might just wind up dead.
And the message that they deliver to little kids,
And expect them to treat them as gods and goddesses.
Poor saps are gonna listen and not kick the little hiss.
And the stupid allies we've made,
Won't give us the things we need. Grrr...
"We ain't nothin but babies'? Well, I'll bite em an' give em rabies.
Those snakes open peoples heads like cantaloupes,
But if we can act like diplomats and politicians want our votes,
And there's no reason why he can't be a dope,
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote,
We'll all go through the hole, sing the chorus and it goes:
I'm not dim and shady, yeah that's right lady.
All ya snakes out there are gonna get a pasting.
So won't Sam and Daniel please shut up!
Please shut up! Don't stand up!
Well Teal'c don't cuss everyday for his efforts,
Well maybe in Jaffa, but I don't know, do you?
Ya think I don't give a damn about Danny?
Half the time he can't stomach me, let alone stand me.
"But Jim (soz!) you're still with him, isn't that weird?"
What, just 'cos we fight? 'Cos he bends my ear?
I have to listen to those two dears.
Don't mind too much, 'cept when our one man catastrophe here,
Does another runner and gets hissel' hurt.
Don't mind the science if it helps us last.
Get safe home, sit and watch TV,
"Yeah he's cute, but who'd wanna marry him?
I wanna sit around with packs of two times three (See, he can count! Think about it!)
Watch the whole world, wanna fish, that's me!
I'm sick of all you little girls and boys, ew, all you do is annoy me,
Make me feel antique, you do! Grr.
And there's a million planets out there who hate me.
'Cos I cuss like me, don't like bureaucrats, that's me,
I dress like me, walk, talk and act like me,
Sorry if you don't like it, but that's just me!
I'm not dim and shady, so why d'y'all hate me?
Standin here in the SGC with me mates waiting.
But won't the boring science freaks please shut up?
Won't stupid gloating snakes please shut up!?!
It's like a headtrip to listen to, 'cos they're only saying
Things Einstein talked about with his gifted friends.
Only difference is walkin through the wall
Ain't physics at all I don't pretend to understand it at all.
I just step through the blue and shoot at my foe.
And whether you like to admit it, I'm not with it,
Better than ninety percent of my life spent way out,
And you wonder why I'm flippant and droll,
It's funny, but right now I'd be in a retirement home,
Probably more hair colour up there too,
Eatin lotsa junk food, drinkin loads, or worse,
And I'm complaining, but it'd be boring...
And every single planet has some bad guy lurkin,
Could be workin on your mind and screwin things,
Or drivin his ship around, circlin,
Screaming, "I don't give a damn!"
With his thrusters down, burnin ozone up.
So will the real dim and shady please stand up?
And put a big staff up ya butt?
I'm proud to be outta my mind, outta control,
But still with a conscience, so loud as you can, how's it go?
Who's dim and shady, who've ya killed lately?
Come judgement day you'll see who hates thee (Oops!)
Won't stupid evil villains please shut up?
Won't stupid egomaniacs please shut up?
Ha ha
Guess I'm not so dim after all, what d'ya say?
Oh, then I'll shut up.

Tau'ri People
by
Skip

Title: Tau'ri People
Author: Skip
Email: jackson4d@genie.co.uk
Category: Song/Filk, Action/Adventure, Humor, Series
Pairing: none
Season: any
Series: Filk Files
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: none
Status: Completed
Summary: A Goa'uld Queen doesn't get the reception she wanted... to Blur's 'Common People'
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
Author's notes: :D Please feedmeback!


Tau'ri People.
Blur-Common People

She came from PX-953, had a thirst for fellas,
She dressed in gold and liked scaly boas
I saw a glint, in her eye.
She told me that her Dad was God and
I said "In that case I'll have great big palace."
She said, "Fine."
And in 30 seconds time, she said,
"I want to live like the Tau'ri people,
I want to do whatever Tau'ri people do,
I want to sleep with the Tau'ri people,
I want to sleep with Tau'ri people like you."
Well, what else could I do? The smell was overpowerin' too...

I took her to Cheyenne Mountain,
I don't know why, she coulda started anywhere,
But she started there.
I said, "Pretend you're just a tourist."
But she smiled and blew a mist...
I said, "What? I can't see you anywhere..."
And sure you want to live like the Tau'ri people,
You want to see whatever Tau'ri people see,
You want to sleep with Tau'ri people,
You want to sleep with Tau'ri people like me,
But she didn't understand,
Now what's that glowing on her hand???

Rent a flat, buy food in shops,
'Goddess' just ain't a job,
Smoke some fags, not a town,
They won't take kindly if you burn it down.
But still you'll never get it right,
'Cos when you're laid in bed at night,
Seein folks as cockroaches on the wall,
If you shoot you could end it all.

You'll never live like the Tau'ri people,
You'll never do what the Tau'ri people do,
You'll never be worshipped by the Tau'ri people,
You'll see your power slide out of view,
Too busy while we dance and drink for you,
Because there's nothing else to do.
Sing along with the Tau'ri people,
But our hymns won't be for you.
Laugh along with the Tau'ri people,
Laugh along, as we'll never bow to you,
And the stupid things that you do,
Retro Egyptian isn't cool.

SGC Rhapsody
by
Skip

Title: SGC Rhapsody
Author: Skip
Email: jackson4d@genie.co.uk
Category: Song/Filk, Humor, Series
Pairing: none
Season: any
Series: Filk Files
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: none
Status: Completed
Summary: Jack thinks... to Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody'
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
Author's notes: My first filk!


SGC Rhapsody- Sung by Jack
Queen- Bohemian Rhapsody

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Are we caught in a time-slide?
No escape to reality-
If you'll open your eyes,
Look up to the skies to see me-
We're just one more team, we're from the SGC,
Come through the, blue wormhole-
In the sky, got to go,
Anywhere Hammond says,
To set the whole world free- set free-

Danny, he's killed ya, man,
Put a zat against my head,
Moved too slowly, now you're dead,
Danny, now you're work is done,
Unless we can find some sarcophagae (poetic licence!)
Now you're back again,
Hope you're doin' fine
I just wish that you'd do as you are told.

Too late, Jaffa have come,
Send bolts from enemy lines,
Just try an' dial home in time.
Goodbye, stupid snakeheads-I've got to go,
Gotta leave y'all behind an' report the truth-
Teal'c- ooo-
Glad you are by my side,
Though sometimes I wish we'd never turned it on at all.

I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Apophis-kree! Apophis-kree! All shoot when I say so!
Your thunderbolts 'n' lightening, very, very frightening, I don't think!
Gallileo, Gallileo!
More science? No, no, no!
Sam, please don't say this, let me go!

I had a poor boy, everybody loved him,
He met another boy, but Apophis took him.
Now I fight, to kill the monstrosity!
Now you snake, let him go-
Kree, kree! No, no! We will not let him go!
Let him go!
Kel-sha Korel, our Lord won't let him go!
Let him go!
We are gods! We will not free the host!
Let him go!
Will not free the host- Let him go!
Will not free the host- Let him go!
Will not let him go!
Then I'll blow you all to-
Give me C4, give me C4, give me C4, you will blow!
You betta hope that Osiris was a fake like you!
That's where you're, goin' to!

So you think you can kill, then just look in Thor's Eye!
I'll get back for al those people you caused to die!
Oh, baby- Sg-1's gonna get ya baby!
Then we'll just 'gate, then we'll 'gate right outta here!

Nothing really matters,
What you see on TV,
All that really matters, are my friends in the SGC-
Anywhere my team goes-

Currently there is a problem with the URL text in the nearby section. It will soon be sorted. In the meanwhile, if you'd like your own filk to appear here, email it to me: beki_morgan@hotmail.com. All feedback is appreciated. Sorry for the inconvienience.
 
   
 

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